If you want to freak out Suze then put on a Jack Harper (Bob Grant) mask and sneak up behind her. I`m sure Bob was a nice bloke, but she finds his character from On The Busses really creepy. To be honest, even growing up in the 70s I found his lecherous laughs and crude one-liners rather awkward.
Why do I mention this peculiarly British character from a 40 year old comedy show? Because we were taking advantage of our free month of TelevisionX yesterday evening and Suze decided she wanted to watch Dogging Diaries 3/4 â€¦ yes that foxed me too, but I think part 3 is the intro by Donna Marie and the fourth part is the bit where her and the clippie get it on, on the top deck.
Yes, clippie. Now to most people these days Clippie is the intensely irritating default help assistant from Microsoft Office. Strangely, to Suze he is the intensely irritating bus conductor from On The Busses. For those of you too young to remember, the clippy was the bloke, or woman on the buss who sold you a ticket. You didn`t buy it from the driver as you do now. The clippy would wander up and down shouting something along the lines of “Any more fares please?”
My own recollection from trips on public transport with my grandfather is of a guy in a peaked cap, with a ticket printing machine around his neck on a worn leather strap. He`d dial up the fare on a series of knurled wheels and issue you with a ticket printed in purple ink on what resembled Izal toilet paper.
Well, let`s put all those memories of carbolic soap and hard toilet paper to bed immediately. And the bit where as a five year old I had to make my way down twenty steps and across a nettle-filled garden to the outside loo, in the dark, when stopping with my Grandparents â€¦ yes, let`s forget all that.
Last night`s televisual feast was selected by Suze because it had dogging in the title, no other reason. Dogging is not something that we`ve indulged in but true to our philosophy that we should be open to all forms of sexuality we thought we`d give it a punt.
I must say I was pleasantly surprised. Unlike some girl-on-girl action that we`ve seen in the past where the models don`t seem too keen on anything but the most cursory of contact with each other`s genitals, Donna Marie and the very willing clippie were more than happy to suck, lick and finger each other without a second thought.
The flimsy and quite frankly disposable “plot” was that she, Donna, didn`t want to ruin her freshly manicured nails being driven to the dogging venue by her usual driver. Why would it ruin her nails? Well you`ll have to watch the video to find out that particular detail, suffice to say that while on the bus Donna has no difficulty in persuading the conductor (clippie) to indulge in a bit of f-f action.
You don`t often see an f-f scene where both girls go at it no holds barred, but this was one of them. Maybe it`s a British thing, but there are no delicate embraces, no mood music, just two girls hard at it and making lots of noise. Did I mention the rest of the (Male) bus passengers are watching?
OK, so the scenario is silly, And the dialogue is daft, but this is porn, not Proust. My only criticism? The clippie isn`t credited. And Suze and myself would be fighting over her as she is soooo dirty.
Strange isn`t it that what is essentially a fantasy video about a random sexual encounter on a bus can be so effective as porn. Perhaps that`s it. It has no pretensions to being erotica, no pretence that the narrative conceals deep subplots and reveals a truth to the viewer thereby enlightening them and enriching them as a human being. Sometimes porn is just porn and to pretend otherwise would be ridiculous.
Dogging diaries 3/4 is well worth a watch, if you like full-on f-f sex. It certainly made me want to see more, perhaps if they had credited the clippy â€¦